Monday, 11 February 2013

I wish I was always depressed!

      I wish I was always depressed! Although waves of depression seem pointless and time consuming, although mostly it has no reason whatsoever, no tangible reasons at least, although rarely go through any depression and if I do it is for a very short time and again with no apparent reason; yes everyone has things to grieve about but these waves they come without invitation, without a certain thought or situation to set it into motion.

     However on the rare occasions when these waves actually arrive they leave me a footstep apart from killing myself, they remind me how worthless I am, they put things in perspective;
 " no you're not smart" they'd say, " no no not good looking either", " you won't change the world, you won't be a millionaire, you won't change anyone's life you are a nobody, and you will end before you begin", "you say you don't care about love?, well good for you because you're not going to have any of that either", " oh and yes you'll never be in good shape".

        As cruel as it might seem, there is actually there is actually a benefit, it is this human instinct that push you to prove whoever is putting you sown that you're no what they're telling you you are, even if that person is your own sick mind. even through all this depression my ego does not surrender. It is this ego, and this human instinct that gives me that gigantic strike of power and will; will to change, will to be, will to fight, to bring this battle between you and yourself to an end.

       Depression is not the problem, the problem is when the wave passes, when you convince yourself that every thing is going to be okay, that somehow problems will all sort themselves out, when you drug yourself by the magical " Don't worry, you'll be fine". it is then that the will vanishes, the power sleeps and the problem continues..........
Until another wave finally arrives!

 Thank you wave of depression,
 a bientot.

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