Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Images in my shattered mirror staring at me from the other side, a million pictures, bits and pieces of my soul all united for the first time , all confused from the presence of so many reflections, or are they just reflecting my confusion
i knew i was crazy, I knew that a long time ago, and heard it a lot too, but seeing all my characters, all my thoughts, my ghosts and my shadows in front of me introduced me to a whole new level of insanity, all the dreams were screaming, all my failures were smiling in mockery and all my frustration was quiet, I didn't want it to be quiet , i hate quiet
yell at me, push me; up or down, doesn't matter just do something , say something , give a hint, send me any sort of signal, but no, the frustration didn't obey me , didn't reflect my scrams it just dove me even more crazy with its silence the only thing it did was move its eyes- or was it my eyes!, let's leave it at THE eyes - back and forth between the screaming dreams and the mocking failures, I'm getting dizzy from the eye movement, oh wait they were MY eyes after all. good to know
i tried to focus on the dreams, after all it's what mirrors should reflect, or was it what sleeping should invent?, doesn't matter I don't dream in my sleep any way, I don't even sleep any more, why do I get distracted so easily ?!, where was I? oh yes the dreams, i couldn't make much out of their screams, where they like "please believe in me" or was it like " I'm drowning" or maybe it was something like " let go of me" i have no idea, why are all my reflections so freakin' useless!
these mocking smiles are really getting on my nerves, they are not making any noise and yet i cannot help but look at them , why are you mocking me? you are mine , you all should be supporting me, but my failure keeps the cold frustrating annoying mocking smiles,why are they so blurry?, they are such a mess even more messy than my zillion shatters of dreams, isn't failure supposed to be clear? like a zombie of a dream that was once alive? isn't it said that the best thing about failure is the lessons we learn? why haven't i learned? or have I ? why don't I remember, why is it so unclear , is my mind playing tricks on me? does that mean my mind is still functioning? because that would be good news. or is it my memory failing me again? or am i just too good at building high walls to prevent me from looking at the painful past, have I wasted all my life in failing and wasted all my failure by not remembering the lessons, oh so that's why , this is the reason behind the mocking smile, well, seems like my failure has an extremely annoying sense of humor.
my eyes wont stop rolling, a zillion images flash in front of me,its like an old 1960s horror movie; where everything is grey and blurry, echo of screams and the screen rolling faster and faster and then
It seems like a never ending fall , I keep waiting for the crash, but it never comes, it's just the void , the screams and falling this terrible scary feeling of not knowing where you are or what's going on, when does it all end, or worse, will it ever end??